As busy moms, wives and women, we often put too much pressure on ourselves to be everything, to do everything and to feel thrilled while doing it. This tends to lead to “mommy guilt” because we cannot always be at 100%.
Mommy guilt is that nagging guilt that sits on us and picks at us and ask questions such as:
- “Why am I not home with the kids?”
- “Why isn’t the house clean?”
- “How can I miss the school play?”
That same negative nagging voice makes comments such as:
“I am a terrible mom to have missed the school play.”
“So and So is a much better mom than I am…just look at the meals she cooks”
The list can go on and on. But, who does this voice, the voice of this person putting negativity inside of you, serve?
I will tell you who…absolutely no one. So kick her to the curb. She does not need to stay. We are not interested in her negativity tearing us down.
Guilt can be self-destructive, waste energy and add stress to your life. Let’s get rid of this guilt!
The first step to this is to identify if you even should be feeling guilty. Guilt usually manifests when a person feels they have gone against their own moral compass.
What needs to be determined is if you have really done so or if something else making you feel guilty. Is your conscience playing tricks or were your actions truly wrong?
Did the event already occur for which you feel guilty, or is it a future event?
If it is an event in the future than it is not guilt that is being felt but rather the close cousin called “worry.” In the case of worry over a future event keep in mind that you can still change the future.
Create a list of all of the reasons for which you are worried, evaluate the list for real issues and then brainstorm how you can handle the real issues.
If the event is in the past then you must learn to make your peace with it so that you can move on. Consider what could have been done to create a more positive outcome. How could the situation could have been handled differently?
Even if it could have been handled differently, if there is nothing that can be done to improve the situation, then you must let go of the guilt. If you could have handled things differently and you now have a plan should the same situation arise then you must let go of the guilt.
I repeat “LET GO OF THE GUILT.” Guilt serves no one.
Allow yourself the realization that you are doing the best you can. You have made decisions to the best of your knowledge at the time.
Do not look back and be upset because you did not make the healthiest choices but, rather, think about whether or not you made the healthiest choices based on what you knew at the time.
Holding on to mommy guilt, or any guilt, serves no positive purpose.
Guilt is toxic to your mental and your physical health. Guilt can cause extreme bouts of anxiety, stomach cramping, weight gain, sleep deprivation and a whole host of issues with the people in our lives.
If your guilt is properly placed then use it as a motivator, learn the life lesson, allow your moral compass to be reset and then forgive yourself just as you would forgive your best friend.
Listen to the exact advise that you would give your best friend because you are your best friend.
If you are experiencing intense feelings of guilt, or are considering harming yourself, please make an appointment with a mental health professional today. There is help and the feeling of being overwhelmed does not need to last.
It’s your turn to share. How have you reset your guilt meter in the past? Please comment below.